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Guest happy2share

Why Don't They Understand?

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Guest happy2share
;) What is going on? My family is not understanding my new hobby and especially joining a goldfish forum! My daughter, almost four, pulls me away from the tank the moment I sit. My fiance just peeked in on me reading some topics & asked what has happened to his woman . . . he plans on calling me "the Fish Lady" and not in a nice way! My father keeps saying "they are only 99 cents" and a waste of time and energy! I admit that I am a passionate person and fully enjoy my hobbies. I have always loved animals and have been involved for years in animal rescue and adoption work. For some reason this really hits the hot button for my family. Has anyone else experienced this? I am only on this site for about 30 minutes in the evening and during my lunch hour if I can. What's Up???

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You are definitely not alone in this...my fiance tolerates my fishkeeping but does not really understand my passion for it. Much in the same way I don't understand why he loves diecast cars (NASCAR, HotWheels etc), so much so that we MOVED so we could have an extra bedroom that is entirely used for him to display his collection! Where is my extra bedroom for fish tanks hmmm?

He, along with my mom and dad, thinks I am insane for spending some hard earned money on a used tank instead of buying new shoes. I wear flip-flops rain or shine now because my regular shoes have holes in the bottom. But they don't understand that I have 4 goldies in a 20 gallon tank and they desperately need more space! They are moving into a used 55 gallon I found last week, and I am running around like a kid on Christmas morning because I am so excited and they all think I am nutso.

Hobbies are hobbies, and to each their own. I don't pee my pants because I found a limited edition Hot Wheel car with red lines on the tires, so I don't expect him to pee his pants when my betta blows a bubblenest BUT they don't have to think I am crazy! Not to mention that his little cars aren't even alive...

You are not alone my dear! And you are on the right site to be amongst others who feel the same way. :D

Edited by jen626

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My husband was much the same when I started, now he takes an interest in my fish and even knows some of their names. Be patient and they may come around.

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:rolleyes: I still have "Family member's",and friend's that probably think I've gone a little overboard,and I'm at a point in my life where I've learned to take the "Ribbing" with a grain of salt,and not let it bother me so much anymore. (Well,trying my best anyway) :lol:

I too tend to go without alot of thing's that I need because I seem to choose spending it on my fish,but as it is my paycheck- it's also my perogative*sp?*

Sometimes people will cross over with you,and that makes it so much nicer,but if they don't,don't let them bum you out. What-ever float's your boat! Continue to enjoy those little guys.

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With me having 5 tanks ranging from a 10 gallon to 55 gallon, my family thinks I spend a bundle for power each month, which I don't, it does not cost much at all. Now when they see my goldfish, they say "Wow they have gotten big. Now I think they are realizing that I needed the 55 gallon and a $75.00 filter for it. They don't say much anymore, sometimes they mention it, but I don't pay any attention to it.

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i agree

my boyfriend thinks i am the crazy fish lady too. i hate when i go to a place and worry becuase the store fish are crowed or sick.

he does however want to feed them but wont feed them the way i want.. but he does ask first and he does know their names....

hummm but where is he when it comes time for cleaning.....

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I think the only negative response I have received is from my mother and a couple of times from my nephews is "the fish really stink" This was before I found Koko's and learned that I was underfiltered and overstocked. I've changed that now and the first thing my family members do when they come to visit is to go to my "fish corner" and remark at how big the goldies are and ask if they can feed them.

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Guest 3469

When my Bubbles was sick and I was treating him with Maracyn, my family couldn't believe that there was medicine for fish. If only it had worked...

My little brother, who is in pre-school, actually cried when Bubbles died. He had gotten attached.

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My brother thinks I?m crazy for spending money on my fish, so i no longer tell him how much things cost. :D

My mum tolerates my hobby and i think she understands a little, she does help out on the water changes and even goes with me to lfs in our area, she?s also fed them a few times, but I think she still secretly thinks i'm off my rocker... but both she and my bro enjoy my fish and I?ve spotted them sneaking out of my room after I?ve heard them talking to my fish

Just give them time I?m sure they?ll come round?.they are bound to after they see how much you love and care for them.

:D

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I am so with you on this. Fish are my newfound hobby, and liek you, I can be very passionate about it. I have also been heavily invloved in the care and welfare of animals, particularly wildlife. So really, this hobby should come as no surprise to anyone. Yet it does. My husband likes my fish, and knows their names, but that is as far as he goes. he thinks I ma obssessed, and doesn't understand why. Personally, I don't always understand his obssession with gaming, but I still support him in it. Just keep doing what you love, and maybe someday they'll come around.

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I just wanted to say you are not alone, I think all of us have either experienced this in the past or live it with now.

My family try to show an interest every now and then and will ask a question about fishkeeping, just I start to answer they change the subject and lose interest :rolleyes: then a few weeks down the line they ask exactly the same question again! :wall

As long as YOU enjoy your hobby, thats the most important thing - let 'em thing you're mad - better to be mad than sane anyway :lol:

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Guest happy2share

:thanks It is so very nice to hear that I am not alone in my general "bewilderment"! I really don't see what the big deal is . . . the hobby is in the house and one that everyone can enjoy if they choose to. When I did animal rescue work I had to go out in all kinds of weather and all times of the day. It is like fish rank lower than dogs, cats, bunnies, turtles, etc. for some reason. Maybe because we can not pet them and they cannot communicate physically with us. But, if my family would only learn to observe Nemo and Avatar they would see how responsive and joyful they are. They also really relax me and make me happy which should be something my family appreciates.

I have had betta fish for over 7 years and tropical community fish too. Perhaps the resentment lies in the fact that goldfish do take a lot of care. I have had a bout with fungus and a strange puckered lip problem currently. I also have to do frequent water changes, boiling of peas, making of gel food, research, etc. that wasn't really needed with my other fish.

I think I can win over my daughter eventually. She does enjoy helping me feed them and knows that our betta gets his own special food. Part of her resentment is probably all of the rules regarding the fish (many of which she has broken and had punishment for) . . . don't stick you fingers in the tank or drop your favorite toy in, don't hit the tank with your favorite rock to see them jump (I have over 25 scratches on the acrylic tank from one afternoon my father was babysitting URRRR), don't feed them anything unless I am with you, don't rock the table to give them a tidal wave ride, etc....

My fiance says he is most resentful of the time it takes away from him. I do water changes on nights he is not there, I feed them when he is not there, I do not sit and watch them when he is around, so . . . . . I don't really know what to do about him. He is a very jealous person, perhaps he is even jealous of the love I give my fish. Very sad if true.

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Guest invertedsilver

My boyfriend actualy asks how my fish is doing.

He tells me I'm a good fish mommie, even if he has no idea what the22 I'm talking about.

My little brother on the other hand..

Sure he helps me with water changes, bucket moving and all that cause I can't bring them up the stairs without spilling, but I don't think he quite understands why I'm so attached to my little school carnival feeder fish.

My mother is so inconsiderate. When I first got my 12 fish, she was telling me how she hoped they'd hurry up and die so she could be done with the hassle. When I was left with one, after slowly learning to take care of them, she actualy said "Darn, I didn't want any fish." Needless to say I was VERY displeased.

I'm in the process of educating my friends and family.

Just the other day I disproved my friends rock hard assumption that goldfish are stupid, don't reconize peope and have a 3 second attention span by showing her how I hand fed my fish. I also showed her how I pick him up to move him for water changes and the like.

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Guest Andrea123

I suppose ive been lucky in this department. My father acutally gets into a bit and evenutally wants a tank of angels. He just bought me another tank and asked if i was going to keep the other one running, and when i said no... he was dissapointed lol. My boyfriend helps out with the waterchanges and what not, and when i start rambling about my fish he just smiles at me. I think he puts up with it more than anything lol.

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I think bringing them to LFS and show them the many fishes there would help to educate and probably amaze them on the many different kind of fishes, equipements, food avaialble. Hopefully they will see that having fish as a hobby is just the same as having our own kids. We need to give them the best and take real good care on them. No compromise.

My girlfriend actually didnt like my fishes at first. But she got me a small tank for my birthday when I moved to a new place and she bought me 2 lionhead and 2 pearlscales in it. From then I explained to her about goldfish, what they need to eat, the diseases, the dangers of dirty water etc. She actually felt sad when one of my ranchu died.

Eventually she got me a 12G tank as a surprise as she understands now that the fishes need more space.

The only thing that I realised is hard for them to understand is why we spend so much money and timeon fishes. Perhaps they think that size ratio of a fish to the amount of money spent isnt right cause fishes are smaller than dogs and cats but sooner or later I think they will feel about our passion with fishes. They always think that fishes dont need space at all. Just put as many as you can.

Well, educate them and be patient with their remarks and slowly they will understand.

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My family didn't understand me either. My parents helped me build a pond in my back yard four years ago. I would sit buy my waterfall and think that it looked empty.. So I went and bought my first goldies. Then I sat down there all the time. I would talk to my fish. and they seemed to listen.. and didnt talk back. lol... When winter rolled around I bought my first aquarium.. and in the house they came... My husband didnt understand at first. Then one day I came home from work and my husband was sitting infront of the aquarium talking to all the fish and started asking there names...

He has bought his own fish now. We also have three aquariums and a fourth one that we will be picking up this weekend. Hes also drawing plans for are second pond. Dont give up on your family. Yes they can get were we want to pull are hair out.. But in the long run. they do get hooked, or they do start to understand. Or at least my family did.. My parents think I have gone overboard. but hey ive always been the type to jump in with both feet. My goldies have been a life line to me.. they help me unwind at night.. better than any sleeping pill thats for sure. and much healthier.... good luck with your family.. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you......

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Lucky for me, I have friends who really don't care what keeps me happy as long as its legal and harmless. Although most didn't show the same interest level as I do! I get teased by some, but everyone was all teary eyed when they cmae over and found out that my goldie died and I had packed the 10 gallon tank away. There are now anxiously awaiting the setup of my used 75 gallon tank.

So, they will come around and at least learn to tolerate your hobby. The goldies will steal their hearts eventually!

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My boyfriend helps out with the waterchanges and what not, and when i start rambling about my fish he just smiles at me. I think he puts up with it more than anything lol.

529566[/snapback]

same here. My boyfriend likes the fish, but thinks i'm mad spending so much time and energy on them. and when i start going on about cycles, filters, food and stuff he just smiles at me and tries his best not to leave the room!!lol

he is very helpful though. the telescope is technically his anyway (we bought one each and named them) so he feels a bit attached. When my first fish (blackmoor named baby) died he was the only one in and he got so upset he didnt know what to do and phoned me all worried.

He's also secretly excited about the new tank we're getting soon. i can tell coz he keeps spotting ornaments in pet shops he wants and saying how good it will look.

He's never been allowed pets as kid, whereas i've always had pets, so he's still quite sweet and childlike about it! men, they're all softies really, bless em!

A few of my housemates think i'm mental though, especially with the temporary bucket setup taking up a big corner of my room! but my close mates understand that i just need animals around me to keep me busy and happy, and since i'm only allowed fish in this rented house, it makes sense that they would eventually become my newest obsession!!! :)

Edited by katmad

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Guest Fish Lady

I guess I am lucky in this area of fish keeping! I got started after my oldest daughter moved out and left her two fish. I tried to remember to feed them, but they were left in her bedroom and only were fed when I remembered. One died and I felt so guilty about it I decided to read up and do everything I could to save the other. I now have a 125 gal, 55 gal, 30 gal, two 10 gallons, a 5 gal and a 1 gal betta tank. He does think I am crazy and most of my fish are rescued ones that no one wanted. I have started a fish rescue where I live and the pet stores around me have my number. My husband has three koi now (larry, curly and moe) and has nicknamed me "fish lady" hence my user name on Koko's. When my black moor got his eye sucked out (long story) I cried and cried. My kids giggled behind my back and my co workers wondered why I didn't just "flush the stupid fish", but my husband took me to the store late at night to pick up clove oil because I thought I would have to put my black moor out of hs misery. (Thank goodness I did not have to) and he hugged me and held me because he knew how much the fish mean to me. OK! Sorry to go on.. just letting you know that either you are or you aren't a fish lover and you will just have to ignore the inconsiderate comments of the non fish lover. We fish lovers are always welcome here and you will get all of the care, comfort and good words you need from this site! Everyone here is on your side. (do I sound crazy?)

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